1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10

2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. - Michael, 14

3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14

4. Stay away from prunes. - Randy, 9>

5. Never pee on an electric fence. - Robert, 13

6. Don't squat with your spurs on. - Noronha, 13

7. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, 10

8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. -Taylia, 11

9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - Traci, 14

10. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. - Mitchell, 12

11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. - Andrew, 9

12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9

13. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Armir, 9

14. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. - Kellie, 11

15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. -Naomi, 15

16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9

17. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10

18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13

19. Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, 8

KINDERGARTEN CLASS

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When it was time to present what they'd found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. "It's a period, "said the little boy. "Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?" "Darn if I know," said the little boy, "But this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

HOW COME?

How Come
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
How Come
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
How Come
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
How Come
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot.
And not try to understand her at all.
How Come
Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.
How Come
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
How Come
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
How Come
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
How Come
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
How Come
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman,
Before marriage and after marriage.
How Come
If a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment
If a woman talks dirty to a man it's nine dollars a minute