Jokes

The state is my Shepherd, I shall not want. She makes me lie in subsidized house. She leads me into political serenity. She leads me into paths of loans and grants for it's international reputation's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of elections, I will fear no opposition, for the state is with me. Its tanks and guns comfort me. It fills my pocket with allowances, my salaries overflow. Surely, increments and promotions shall follow me, all the days of my life. And I will dwell in the Senior staff quarters forever.

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A little boy was attending his first wedding ceremony. After the service, his cousin asked him "How many women can a man marry?". "16", the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that the boy had answer so quickly. How did you know that?" his cousin asked. "Easy" said the little boy. "All you have to do is add it up. It's just like the minister said; four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer."

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A student came to school one morning and this conversation took place between him and his teacher. Student: Sir, Can you punish someone for something he hasn't done? Teacher: Certainly not, my boy. Student: Thank God then because I didn't do my assignment.

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Some three pastors met at a Conference and after a talk on holiness, they had this conversation and shared their secrets.

Pastor 1: I like drinking, please don't tell anyone.
Pastor 2: I like stealing from the Church's savings.
Pastor 3: In fact, I am sorry to tell you I'm a gossip.

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A man was moving from Kumasi to Accra and accidentally ran over two men with his Mercedes’ Benz car proceeded to bury them after which he reported himself to the police. When the officer on duty asked him, whether the men he buried were really dead, he replied, “One said he wasn’t dead, but you know, you can’t trust people these days.”

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Once, Pope John Paul 1 and Bill Clinton died. When the judgment day came there arose a mistake and pope was sent to hell while Clinton was sent to heaven. The mistake was realised and they had to swap for Clinton to go hell and for the pope to come back to heaven. The pope was so happy that on his way to heaven he was singing praises when he met Clinton also walking boldly to hell. They met mid way and this conversation took place:

Bill Clinton: Pope what makes you so happy to be in such a rejoicing mood?

Pope John Paul: Why mustn’t I be so happy if after all my Christian life I am going to heaven to meet the Virgin Mary?

Bill Clinton: Oh pope be wise. Do still believe that there is a virgin in heaven after I have been there?

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Once in a deaf school, the students were demonstrating in their own way. When asked why, their leader answered “we are not allowed access to the radio”.

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There was a woman who sent her daughter to buy some items for her. As the little girl was going, she saw male friends who were trying to pluck mangoes. The girl help them pluck the mangoes. When she went home this dialogue that took place between the girl and her mother:

WOMAN : What kept you so long?

DAUGHTER : I had to pluck some mangoes for some friends who couldn’t pluck them

WOMAN : Were they boys?

DAUGHTER : Yes, they were boys

WOMAN : Ah ! did they wanted to look at your panties

DAUGHTER : Oh mama paa! What do you think of me? Of course I knew it so I removed my panties before climbing the tree.

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A sunday school class has just been learning about the story of the prodigal son. "Now" said the teacher "After learning the story who do you think was not glad to see the return of the richman's son?"

Kofi: Please Sir, the fat cow.

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I attended the Buccal University of Science and Technology in the Lipal City (i.e., the City of Lips). There I was helped mostly by one of the lecturers, the tongue. With the distinguished help of Dr. Saliva, I obtained my Bachelors Degree in Digestion and was asked to continue my education at University of Duodenum small Intestine.

Visa in possession I passed through the Oesophagus to the Larynx airport to emplane to stomach. At the entrance of Larynx airport, I was searched at a check pointed by stalwart security officer, Epiglottis. After being searched the security officer close the entrance leading to their officers and showed me the right way to the place code named peristalsis.

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One day a man sat in front of a super-market in the pretence of being blind to collect money. An hour later, a young boy came to the man, pretending to be putting money in the bowl but rather took a 2000 note. The man noticed what the boy was doing, held his hand and commanded him to put his money back. And the boy realizing that the man was not blind, raised an alam and this attracted a man dressed in police costume. He asked what the matter was and the boy narrated everything. The policeman turned to question the man. This was what ensured between them.

POLICEMAN: What is your name?

MAN: Joe

PLICEMAN: Do you know what you are doing is an offence and for that matter, I am taking you to the police station.

MAN: No, No, please don’t take me. I am here in place of my friend who is blind.

POLICEMAN: And where is your friend?

MAN: He is gone to the cinema to watch a movie.

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A guy who had just completed the High School went to his father and said he would be a Soldier instead of being a Teacher. Father: Ebenezer, if you want to be a Teacher, no problem but if you want to be a Soldier then TWO PROBLEMS. If you are a Soldier either you die on the Battlefield or you die at home. If you die at home, no problem but if you die on the Battlefield, TWO PROBLEMS. If you die on the Battlefield either you fertilize grass or you fertilize tree. If you fertilize grass, no problem but if you fertilize tree, TWO PROBLEMS. When you fertilize a tree, you are either used for making books or toilet roll. I f you are used for making books, no problem but if you are used for making toilet roll, TWO PROBLEMS.I f you are used for making toilet roll, you are sent to the shop for someone to buy you. If a man buys you, no problem but if a woman buys you, TWO PROBLEMS. If a woman buys you, either she uses you for the "front" or for the "back". If she uses you for the back, no problem but if she uses you for the front …………………… The boy interrupted and said "Father I will no longer be a Soldier."

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From age 7-16 years
They are like the North and South poles
You think nobody goes there
But you will be surprise
From 15-19 years
They are like Africa
Partly Virgins but greatly explored
Hmm!!!
From 20-30 years
Greatly experienced
Be careful !
From 30-45 years
They are like Great Britain
Boldly battered with heavy wars
But they are still useful in days of emergency
From 50 0n wards
They are like Australia
Everybody knows where it is
But no one wants to go there.

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J.A. Kuffour, Atta Mills and J.J. Rawlings were crossing a river. The possibility that someone will sink was depending on the sin that person has committed. When Kuffour stepped in the river, the water level was at his waist. He was surprised so he turned to look at his colleagues and discovered that the water level was at Mills' knee and this was what transpired:

Kuffour: Mills why is the water level at your knee when everyone knows you to be a sinner?

Mills: Hwe, don’t you know I'm standing on Jerry's head?

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